Tuesday, March 3, 2009

The Sport of Statue Accosting 101:

People in the States have been led to believe that the most popular sport in Europe is soccer, but I've come to learn that the people of America are being deceived. Let me be your witness, friends...the sport of the day in Europe is not football...but Statue Accosting. What is this crazy debauchery, you ask? Well, it is exactly as it sounds...you find statues...and accost them. Example A: Now, there are some rules when it comes to playing this intense game. First of all, it is imperative that you spend a minute or two coming up with the best way to accost. As seen above, coming in from the front is not always the best approach, although it may seem to be. It can sometimes benefit the hilarity of the picture if you are to deceive the witnesses and go around. Also, if a statue is positioned in a way that you can get the most laughs out of the picture by making it completely and totally inappropriate, it might just be necessary to get the best score (no pun intended) and to just be inappropriate. You also get bonus points for every onlooker that you are able to offend in the process of accosting. This is also a sport where people who are tall have a possible advantage. Please note the challenges a short person might face, and compare it with that of a tall person below. The results are sad, but true. Example B: The last piece of information you might want to know before taking up the sport of Statue Accosting is to know your subject. For instance, it might benefit you BEFORE you hug a statue to know how many people the person the statue represents killed in his or her lifetime before becoming a statue... Example C: Due to the lack of statues to accost in the USA, the sport is not expected to take hold anytime soon...but I will keep you updated on any such activity occuring to the best of my knowledge...happy accosting!

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